Putting Yourself First

Is it selfish to put your needs ahead of others’? I asked myself this question as I have made a decision that goes against what ‘most sane individuals’ would do because it feels right to me and I believe that it serves my higher purpose.

For as long as I can remember, I operated with the interests of everyone else ahead of my own. Growing up, my primary motivation was to gain the approval of my parents, my father in particular. I made choices that I knew would be well-received. I always chose the most prudent road and that which would garner me a reputation for being solid, dependable and consistent. And I was; true to my Taurean nature! I continued to make predictable and safe choices through my 20s and 30s, putting the needs of my family and employers first. Gradually, I began to see that my choices were not serving me and that changes needed to me made.

Over the past five years, I have been on a journey of self-discovery. While I have created a new life surrounded by positive people and experiences, all too often I found that my pattern of pleasing others had taken precedence. It is a habit that it deep-rooted but I am slowly overcoming it and, this week, I made a very big choice regarding my career that is entirely based on what is best for me! Of course, that’s when I wondered if I was being selfish.

Selfish: “concerned chiefly or only with yourself and your advantage to the exclusion of others.”

It is my belief that when you make choices that are in alignment with your values and are being true to your authentic self, you cannot be selfish. You see, as you embrace your potential, you empower others to do the same. While the people in your immediate circle may not agree with your choices, and some may even feel hurt by your decisions, it is you that you must face in the mirror each day and it is you that must go to bed each night fully responsible for your life. I fully understand this process as I have experienced it myself. However, I would much rather face the authentic Lisa in the mirror and go to bed each night feeling proud that my choices reflect my personal vision of success than to continue to live my life passively and to the tune of someone else’s drum. Then sense of peace that comes when you are living in possibility and integrity is worth any temporary discomfort. Those who wish that you truly embrace your potential will eventually applaud your courage and support the execution of your personal vision of success. When times with others have been difficult and I question my choices, I remember the poem by Mother Teresa which ends: “In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

Last night, I watched “Invictus”, a true story about Nelson Mandela, an inspiring man whose love for his country and fellow South Africans led him to make many choices that appears selfish to others. He read the poem of the same name by William Ernest Henley which inspired him to “stand while he felt like lying down” during his 30 years of incarceration. The famous words that began and ended the movie brought a surge of pride and peace through my body. He said, “I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.”

Knowing this truth, feeling this inspiration, I have taken a huge leap of faith. I have chosen “the road less traveled” (thank you Robert Frost – I have always loved this poem) and expect it will make all the difference. We are entering a new year and a new decade after all. It is time for great change. It is time for greatness. This year I will turn 40. Isn’t it about time I started putting myself first? Lesson Learned.

For more on my philosophy, please visit my website: http:///embracingpotential.com.

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I trust that you and Mrs. Claus are in fine health and maintaining a good balance at home, work, play and peace at this demanding time of year. If your elves are embracing their potential, you likely have less to do on the shop floor and can focus on your personal vision of success – spreading joy to people all over the world at Christmastime. I would like to thank you for the work that you do. You are an inspiration!

Speaking of gratitude, I would like to share with you how thankful I am for the blessings In my life. My friends and family are all healthy and happier than ever. I am surrounded by people who love and support me. I am fortunate to be financially independent and attracting abundance in everything I do. This season is one of giving and I would like to start by giving thanks – for all I have and for the ability to share my talent, wisdom and love with all those in my reach at home, at work, at play and at peace.

I have a special handwritten note for you in my journal detailing my vision at home, at work, at play and at peace. I trust that you will be getting plenty of these from my friends this year who are taking time to invest in their own growth and development and who understand that asking for guidance and support is part of the process of executing on your vision of success.

Writing this letter to you has been a great experience. I am now very clear on what I value in my life and have reaffirmed my commitment to creating a life grounded in those personal values. Why don’t you just sit back and relax, Santa? I already have every that I need right here, right now. Lesson Learned.

Seeking Clarity

One great lesson I have learned is that CLARITY comes in surrender. It comes in the moments when you PAUSE the treadmill of life, quiet your mind and leave yourself open to receive the answers you seek. These moments when you can practically here “DING!” often occur when you least expect it, catching you off guard. In a heightened state of awareness, they can cause you to smile, and think, “Why haven’t I seen this before?” Perhaps we never took the time to see. Perhaps we weren’t ready.

Moving to solution is a common instinct. When you think about all the experiences you have had, all the knowledge gained over the years, surely you must know enough to solve the problems that arise in your life. While there certainly is merit is using all of your talents and skills to creatively generate options to explore, if you do not first PAUSE, you will likely generate solutions based on old familiar patterns, and wind up with similar results. When you PAUSE, you can break the cycle. We all need to pause, accept, understand, seek and embrace. (for more on this concept, please read past entries)

Recently I was talking with a friend about the value of personal alone time and the need we often ignore to nurture our souls with quiet time. We say we are ‘too busy’ to take this time and tend to make this choice only when our circumstance turns so dire that urgent change is required. We find ourselves in crisis and in immediate need of answers and direction. The urgency is created in our mind because of our perception. We feel that we need to take action to stop the pain. At those moments, our state of mind sends us looking for the fastest solution. Of course, we then settle for one that doesn’t serve our long term interest. It doesn’t leave us empowered to embrace our potential.

Ask yourself: What disempowering patterns have I noticed at home, at work, at play and at peace? How would my world be different if I changed? When was the last time I took time for me? When was the last time I surrendered so I could find the clarity I seek? Am I ready to see what is possible?

Take the time to PAUSE. The clarity you seek is there. You are worth it! This is one of my greatest Lessons Learned.

The Power of Deliberate Intent (Raising the Healing Vibration)

What power is there in deliberate intent? Perhaps you have born witness to thoughts creating result as I have. I have felt the power that comes from manifesting with intentional thought, but this week, as a loved one faced brain surgery, I wondered whether I was powerful enough to raise the healing vibration for him on my own. My desire to make a difference was so strong that I decided to enlist a few more bodies (minds) for the cause. Indeed, the power of deliberate intent is dramatically magnified when multiplied by hundreds of souls, all sending love and positive energy at the same moment in time, just when it is most needed.

This week, I fell into a pattern of negative emotions that is quite commonly experienced by those who have to look on at a loved one who is suffering. I felt powerless as I sat at home in Newfoundland while my boyfriend was across the country for a week having surgery for a benign brain tumour. The wave of emotions that were constantly churning kept me distracted, unable to focus on home, work, play or peace. The full week seems like a blur. Again, I am sure if you have had a go through a similar experience, you may have felt like this. What I learned upon reflection of the process I went through is this: When we feel there is nothing we can do, no way that we can make an impact, no escape from the fear in our hearts, no turning off the tears – when we find ourselves consumed by our fear-based thoughts, we CAN turn it around. All we have to do is PAUSE. (For more information about this concept, see my website: http://embracingpotential.com.)

After I decided that I no longer wished to be consumed by these fear-based emotions and thoughts of helplessness, I PAUSEd, took a breath (several, actually) and got grounded. I emptied my mind of all the fear, all the uncertainty, and doubt. When I was able to open up my soul, the answers came: when you feel helpless, there IS always something you can do. The answer will always come once you PAUSE and open yourself up to the answers – you already have them within you. When you are in a place where fear resides, you are closed off to the possibilities. You are closed off to love. And love holds all the answers.

A walk in the woods always helps me. That is how the process often starts for me. That is how I Pause. This week was no exception. A few quiet moments overlooking the pounding surf on a chilly October morning provided me with the clarity I was seeking.

I was gentle with myself as I accepted responsibility for having created the pain I was feeling. Accepting that I could control only one thing in this situation – my response to it – was a great relief. I was not responsible for anything else.

I understood that the sense of hopelessness was completely of my own creation and I was ready to let it go. It wasn’t serving me or anyone else. I recognized that I was experiencing many of the patterns of thought that have plagued me at other stressful times in my life. Underestimating our strength in tough times, is a trap laid by the ego. I was not interested in staying in that mindset for long.

I was ready to see what was possible in this situation. I opened myself up to the inspiration I found on that walk in the woods. I saw that my unique gifts could be used to make a contribution to the healing process and I could step up and make a difference. Although I couldn’t control the operation, I could not be there to hold his hand, I did believe with all my heart that I had the power within me to raise the healing vibration that could be felt when he needed it the most. Another epiphany: I did not have to do this alone! In fact, I planned to engage others to tap into the infinite power of the collective deliberate intent.

With this renewed sense of purpose, I bounded out of the woods, making calls on my Blackberry to people who I could enlist to help me raise the healing vibration. Within hours, I had established a facebook group that would call on people to deliberately sends their thoughts and prayers of healing energy at the same time. http://www.facebook.com/inbox/?ref=mb#/group.php?gid=161326706861&v=info&edit_info=all

It was powerful movement. I believe that this effort created an energetic wave that was not only felt by its intended recipient, but by everyone involved. We were collectively sending love out to the Universe… how could it not be a profound experience? I was embracing my potential from the time I emerged from the woods and as I did, I empowered others to do the same. That is me, living my life on purpose! That was my big Lesson Learned: when you feel powerless, turn to the power within – it is there, just waiting to be released! Here’s what I wrote to the group:

Since June, Kevin has been updating everyone through his blog (http://kpomroy.blogspot.com) and facebook about his condition and journey with Achmed. He is deeply grateful for the support shown by his large circle of family and friends. As D-Day draws nearer, however, it is getting more difficult for him to keep up with the texts, emails, wall posts, messages, etc. This is a place to record messages to Kevin that he can read leading up to his procedure on Wednesday, October 28th and beyond. A place for you to connect with him and others energetically with comments, poems, songs, pictures.

If you are here, it is because you already have a connection with Kevin and have his well-being in your thoughts. We are asking that, on Wednesday morning, you DELIBERATELY take some time to channel your healing energy towards Kevin’s health. Pray, meditate, play music, write, share a memory, smile… whatever you do, do it deliberately and know that your positive energy can and will be felt by him.

Our collective desire is that Kevin FEELS our healing energy all throughout his procedure on Wednesday and beyond as he recovers and resumes life as he loves to live it. The power of our collective thoughts can create miracles and it can raise the vibration between here and there. Let’s do this for Kevin and for ourselves. Let’s come together to make a difference!

Serving the Need through Volunteer Work

“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread." Reading this quote reminded me of the ways I serve this hunger in my life. Today I returned to my volunteer role as In-School Mentor with Big Brothers Big Sisters. It is a volunteer placement that I began in 2002 – one the major steps that I took at that time to create a life that was grounded in my personal values.

Over the years, I have been matched with three different primary/elementary school-aged boys who have an identified unmet need for this love and appreciation. They are need of a role model – one who connects with them personally to show them what is possible. The commitment is small in terms of time – only one lunch hour per week – but the outcomes is priceless.

This is my third year matched with an amazing young man named Cory who is 11. We have developed a great friendship that is based in honesty, respect and learning. We have a lot of fun together playing games, working on projects, doing crafts. We also talk a lot about the things that affect our lives. When we are together, nothing else matters. For me, it has been a great lesson in being present. The fact that I am contributing to this child’s growth is a wonderful gift for me and I feel blessed to have been chosen as his mentor. Truth be told, Cory has taught me a lot, too, and I am very grateful for our relationship.

I am grateful as well, to his mother, who has enrolled Cory into the program for three consecutive years. There are many social programs available to assist children who require a little extra care and attention, and I applaud those parents who take advantage of the opportunities to expose their children to new people and ideas. I have only met Cory’s mother on a couple of occasions, while we both attending school functions with our children. I made a point to tell her how much Cory and I enjoy our time together and that we are both thankful for the opportunity. I think this honest display of love and appreciate to her was well received.

When I arrived at the school today, Cory did not know I was coming but was visibly excited. We are both looking forward to spending another great year together. I have gotten to know most of the children in his grade and they are aware that Cory and I have a special relationship and it is something that makes me proud. Today, more than twenty 11-year-olds greeted me as I entered the school. As I watched them play intramural soccer, many of them came over to chat while on the bench. They recognize the role that I play and are respectful, caring and wonderful. Again, this has been an unexpected bonus for me. Cory and I appreciate the attitude of his classmates and have collaborated on a puppet play and talent show in past years to share our positive energy with his class. In many ways, all of us have that hunger for love and appreciation, and this is one way Cory and I contribute.

My children, 11 and 8, are also happy that I have returned to the program this year. They are aware how important this commitment is for me to be fully self-expressed. I have explained to them that “Mommy has a lot of love to share and there are a lot of people who need some extra.” There has never been any doubt in their minds that this contribution makes me a more complete person. They have never questioned that it would negatively impact the amount of love I have for them. I have benefited in so many ways from this involvement and being able to share the experience with my children is one of the best!

Volunteer work is a terrific avenue to express yourself especially when you don’t find that your work or home life is ‘missing something’. Organizations of all types are crying out for volunteers and it is relatively easy to find one that serves the community or cause that strikes a chord with you. For me, I had always been involved with youth organizations. I had been a volunteer with the Boys and Girls Club when I was in high school and have worked with Junior Achievement off and on since 1995. I was looking for an outlet that would nurture my spirit and allow me to express my gifts, and being matched with a young child in need of one-on-one attention appealed to me greatly. I have found an enormous sense of satisfaction working with Big Brothers Big Sisters. The experience has provided me with many Lessons Learned.

The Wise Seagull

I started to write an entry several weeks back when we were on the cusp of a tropical storm. I found myself at my Quiet Space with pen in hand but the words didn’t make it to the page. I was enthralling by the seagulls. Let’s face it, they’re not much to look at, these “rats with wings”, but on that day a great lesson was taught.

As the ocean rolled in anticipation of the great storm, I felt it inside me, too. The tides that ebb and flow are often reflected in our emotions and, on that day, I remember that I felt like my life was one big hurricane! Of course, that’s how I was feeling in that moment and when my rational self and then my higher self straightened me out (in the form of a seagull), all was well in the world. But we all have those times and I was reminded of that day as I sit at the computer, rain once again beating down sideways. My emotions are as high today but it has been one wild time over the past several months and, at any point, I could go either way! Today’s storm is hitting harder than the prediction for that day and I will likely head to the beach just out of curiosity to see how my feathered friends are managing.

What amazed me that late August day was that, despite the high rolling waves and 80 kms winds, the seagulls just sat there. They were sitting on top of the waves as they rolled! They didn’t try to fly away. They didn’t paddle against the current. I guess they knew it would have been a futile effort. They were saving their strength and just enjoying the ride until the time that the storm passed and their fanciful flight could resume. They were so peaceful. I was really struck by the symbolism from this particular scene.

Those “rats with wings” taught me a lesson in patience and faith that day at Topsail Beach. In life, as in this beautiful province, storm winds will rise to test us. I am reminded today that we must all keep the faith that all is as it should be and that this, too, shall pass. Lesson Learned.

Gratitude for Freedom of Choice

On Thanksgiving Day. May people throughout our great country will express thanks for family, friends, love, health, and the worldly possessions that make our existence most pleasant. These are, indeed, many of things for which I am grateful and for which I say thanks every day. Today, as I washed the dishes and listened to my children roughhousing in the basement, it came to me that I am most grateful for my Freedom of Choice.

I believe that the way in which we operate in this world is reflective of not only who we are but who we choose to be in each moment. I believe we are born into this world for a specific purpose, to learn specific things. How that ‘shows up’ will be different based on the choices that we make at each turn.

Because of my choices, I am here today, and very grateful for that. My past has shaped my present but the power of choice is mine to exercise. The question is: what will I do with this power, this awesome freedom of choice? This power puts me in the driver’s seat of my life.

I remember the first time I went on a vacation by myself. My mantra was that I would do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted with whomever I wanted. I was giddy with the expression of this freedom. It was as if I had never experienced it before. In fact, during the first few years following my divorce, I often found myself ‘silly’ with the prospect of such control over my choices.

What I have come to understand and embrace in years since is that I have always had the freedom of choice… I just made different choices. Accepting responsibility for the part we play in creating our circumstance is an excellent foundation for healing. By acknowledging that we always had the power of choice and yet we chose to live is disharmony, can be humbling to say the least. Why we would choose to create a present that doesn’t serve us is a mystery, but it is from these choices that we can learn the greatest lessons.

Today I am thankful family, friends, love, health, and the worldly possessions that make my existence most pleasant. I am thankful for my experiences. I am thankful for the many Lessons Learned.