The idea of this tribute to my father came four days before Fathers' Day 2009. At the age of 39, I have found that my creativity is boundless if only I quiet my mind and open myself up to experience my natural gifts.
I have been struggling with my relationship with my father for a number of years, as many do. Now that I no longer have a husband, it is the one which evokes the most grief and guilt (!), AND the most desire to resolve. So I decided, quieting my mind as I walked along a wooded path, that I would SURRENDER - I would Let Go of this problem and my quest for a solution and Let God show me the way.
I will inject at this point in the blog, that I am Anglican, but not a church-goer for the past several years. Since my divorce 5 years ago, I have been on a spiritual journey to find my true self and create peace and harmony in my new world. (Look for more writing on that never-ending, enlightening adventure.) I will refer to the Universe and God and other such words which are in alignment which my belief in a Higher Power (there I go again) and a world where everything happens for a reason.
Back to my walk... The vision that came to mind first may seem morbid to some: I saw myself speaking to a large audience in a tribute to my father. This is not the morbid thought and, in fact, not even scary to me as I am a professional motivator. Here it is: The sense that I had as I talked about all the lessons that he taught me was that he was no longer alive.
I literally shook my head when I came to that realization and then, quickly came to another: I do not want to wait until my father is gone before I recognize and communicate all that he has brought to my life and experience on this earth.
If that wasn't enough to motivate me, the Universe sent me two reminders in recent days of how fleeting life is indeed. My boyfriend has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. While benign, its treatment and repercussions remain unknown. Suffice to say, life as we knew it has changed dramatically and our perspective on life as well. Then, the day I came up with this tribute idea, there was a propane tank explosion a few houses away from my parents'. One home was completely destroyed and two others significantly damaged. No one was harmed, thankfully.
When things like this happen which seem to have no rhyme nor reason, I have found myself asking, "What am I meant to learn?" It is this same question that I pose now to the One who has all the answers: The answers will come to me as I seek to uncover Lessons Learned from my father, Melvin Payne.
I have been struggling with my relationship with my father for a number of years, as many do. Now that I no longer have a husband, it is the one which evokes the most grief and guilt (!), AND the most desire to resolve. So I decided, quieting my mind as I walked along a wooded path, that I would SURRENDER - I would Let Go of this problem and my quest for a solution and Let God show me the way.
I will inject at this point in the blog, that I am Anglican, but not a church-goer for the past several years. Since my divorce 5 years ago, I have been on a spiritual journey to find my true self and create peace and harmony in my new world. (Look for more writing on that never-ending, enlightening adventure.) I will refer to the Universe and God and other such words which are in alignment which my belief in a Higher Power (there I go again) and a world where everything happens for a reason.
Back to my walk... The vision that came to mind first may seem morbid to some: I saw myself speaking to a large audience in a tribute to my father. This is not the morbid thought and, in fact, not even scary to me as I am a professional motivator. Here it is: The sense that I had as I talked about all the lessons that he taught me was that he was no longer alive.
I literally shook my head when I came to that realization and then, quickly came to another: I do not want to wait until my father is gone before I recognize and communicate all that he has brought to my life and experience on this earth.
If that wasn't enough to motivate me, the Universe sent me two reminders in recent days of how fleeting life is indeed. My boyfriend has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. While benign, its treatment and repercussions remain unknown. Suffice to say, life as we knew it has changed dramatically and our perspective on life as well. Then, the day I came up with this tribute idea, there was a propane tank explosion a few houses away from my parents'. One home was completely destroyed and two others significantly damaged. No one was harmed, thankfully.
When things like this happen which seem to have no rhyme nor reason, I have found myself asking, "What am I meant to learn?" It is this same question that I pose now to the One who has all the answers: The answers will come to me as I seek to uncover Lessons Learned from my father, Melvin Payne.
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