Putting Yourself First

Is it selfish to put your needs ahead of others’? I asked myself this question as I have made a decision that goes against what ‘most sane individuals’ would do because it feels right to me and I believe that it serves my higher purpose.

For as long as I can remember, I operated with the interests of everyone else ahead of my own. Growing up, my primary motivation was to gain the approval of my parents, my father in particular. I made choices that I knew would be well-received. I always chose the most prudent road and that which would garner me a reputation for being solid, dependable and consistent. And I was; true to my Taurean nature! I continued to make predictable and safe choices through my 20s and 30s, putting the needs of my family and employers first. Gradually, I began to see that my choices were not serving me and that changes needed to me made.

Over the past five years, I have been on a journey of self-discovery. While I have created a new life surrounded by positive people and experiences, all too often I found that my pattern of pleasing others had taken precedence. It is a habit that it deep-rooted but I am slowly overcoming it and, this week, I made a very big choice regarding my career that is entirely based on what is best for me! Of course, that’s when I wondered if I was being selfish.

Selfish: “concerned chiefly or only with yourself and your advantage to the exclusion of others.”

It is my belief that when you make choices that are in alignment with your values and are being true to your authentic self, you cannot be selfish. You see, as you embrace your potential, you empower others to do the same. While the people in your immediate circle may not agree with your choices, and some may even feel hurt by your decisions, it is you that you must face in the mirror each day and it is you that must go to bed each night fully responsible for your life. I fully understand this process as I have experienced it myself. However, I would much rather face the authentic Lisa in the mirror and go to bed each night feeling proud that my choices reflect my personal vision of success than to continue to live my life passively and to the tune of someone else’s drum. Then sense of peace that comes when you are living in possibility and integrity is worth any temporary discomfort. Those who wish that you truly embrace your potential will eventually applaud your courage and support the execution of your personal vision of success. When times with others have been difficult and I question my choices, I remember the poem by Mother Teresa which ends: “In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

Last night, I watched “Invictus”, a true story about Nelson Mandela, an inspiring man whose love for his country and fellow South Africans led him to make many choices that appears selfish to others. He read the poem of the same name by William Ernest Henley which inspired him to “stand while he felt like lying down” during his 30 years of incarceration. The famous words that began and ended the movie brought a surge of pride and peace through my body. He said, “I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.”

Knowing this truth, feeling this inspiration, I have taken a huge leap of faith. I have chosen “the road less traveled” (thank you Robert Frost – I have always loved this poem) and expect it will make all the difference. We are entering a new year and a new decade after all. It is time for great change. It is time for greatness. This year I will turn 40. Isn’t it about time I started putting myself first? Lesson Learned.

For more on my philosophy, please visit my website: http:///embracingpotential.com.

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I trust that you and Mrs. Claus are in fine health and maintaining a good balance at home, work, play and peace at this demanding time of year. If your elves are embracing their potential, you likely have less to do on the shop floor and can focus on your personal vision of success – spreading joy to people all over the world at Christmastime. I would like to thank you for the work that you do. You are an inspiration!

Speaking of gratitude, I would like to share with you how thankful I am for the blessings In my life. My friends and family are all healthy and happier than ever. I am surrounded by people who love and support me. I am fortunate to be financially independent and attracting abundance in everything I do. This season is one of giving and I would like to start by giving thanks – for all I have and for the ability to share my talent, wisdom and love with all those in my reach at home, at work, at play and at peace.

I have a special handwritten note for you in my journal detailing my vision at home, at work, at play and at peace. I trust that you will be getting plenty of these from my friends this year who are taking time to invest in their own growth and development and who understand that asking for guidance and support is part of the process of executing on your vision of success.

Writing this letter to you has been a great experience. I am now very clear on what I value in my life and have reaffirmed my commitment to creating a life grounded in those personal values. Why don’t you just sit back and relax, Santa? I already have every that I need right here, right now. Lesson Learned.

Seeking Clarity

One great lesson I have learned is that CLARITY comes in surrender. It comes in the moments when you PAUSE the treadmill of life, quiet your mind and leave yourself open to receive the answers you seek. These moments when you can practically here “DING!” often occur when you least expect it, catching you off guard. In a heightened state of awareness, they can cause you to smile, and think, “Why haven’t I seen this before?” Perhaps we never took the time to see. Perhaps we weren’t ready.

Moving to solution is a common instinct. When you think about all the experiences you have had, all the knowledge gained over the years, surely you must know enough to solve the problems that arise in your life. While there certainly is merit is using all of your talents and skills to creatively generate options to explore, if you do not first PAUSE, you will likely generate solutions based on old familiar patterns, and wind up with similar results. When you PAUSE, you can break the cycle. We all need to pause, accept, understand, seek and embrace. (for more on this concept, please read past entries)

Recently I was talking with a friend about the value of personal alone time and the need we often ignore to nurture our souls with quiet time. We say we are ‘too busy’ to take this time and tend to make this choice only when our circumstance turns so dire that urgent change is required. We find ourselves in crisis and in immediate need of answers and direction. The urgency is created in our mind because of our perception. We feel that we need to take action to stop the pain. At those moments, our state of mind sends us looking for the fastest solution. Of course, we then settle for one that doesn’t serve our long term interest. It doesn’t leave us empowered to embrace our potential.

Ask yourself: What disempowering patterns have I noticed at home, at work, at play and at peace? How would my world be different if I changed? When was the last time I took time for me? When was the last time I surrendered so I could find the clarity I seek? Am I ready to see what is possible?

Take the time to PAUSE. The clarity you seek is there. You are worth it! This is one of my greatest Lessons Learned.

The Power of Deliberate Intent (Raising the Healing Vibration)

What power is there in deliberate intent? Perhaps you have born witness to thoughts creating result as I have. I have felt the power that comes from manifesting with intentional thought, but this week, as a loved one faced brain surgery, I wondered whether I was powerful enough to raise the healing vibration for him on my own. My desire to make a difference was so strong that I decided to enlist a few more bodies (minds) for the cause. Indeed, the power of deliberate intent is dramatically magnified when multiplied by hundreds of souls, all sending love and positive energy at the same moment in time, just when it is most needed.

This week, I fell into a pattern of negative emotions that is quite commonly experienced by those who have to look on at a loved one who is suffering. I felt powerless as I sat at home in Newfoundland while my boyfriend was across the country for a week having surgery for a benign brain tumour. The wave of emotions that were constantly churning kept me distracted, unable to focus on home, work, play or peace. The full week seems like a blur. Again, I am sure if you have had a go through a similar experience, you may have felt like this. What I learned upon reflection of the process I went through is this: When we feel there is nothing we can do, no way that we can make an impact, no escape from the fear in our hearts, no turning off the tears – when we find ourselves consumed by our fear-based thoughts, we CAN turn it around. All we have to do is PAUSE. (For more information about this concept, see my website: http://embracingpotential.com.)

After I decided that I no longer wished to be consumed by these fear-based emotions and thoughts of helplessness, I PAUSEd, took a breath (several, actually) and got grounded. I emptied my mind of all the fear, all the uncertainty, and doubt. When I was able to open up my soul, the answers came: when you feel helpless, there IS always something you can do. The answer will always come once you PAUSE and open yourself up to the answers – you already have them within you. When you are in a place where fear resides, you are closed off to the possibilities. You are closed off to love. And love holds all the answers.

A walk in the woods always helps me. That is how the process often starts for me. That is how I Pause. This week was no exception. A few quiet moments overlooking the pounding surf on a chilly October morning provided me with the clarity I was seeking.

I was gentle with myself as I accepted responsibility for having created the pain I was feeling. Accepting that I could control only one thing in this situation – my response to it – was a great relief. I was not responsible for anything else.

I understood that the sense of hopelessness was completely of my own creation and I was ready to let it go. It wasn’t serving me or anyone else. I recognized that I was experiencing many of the patterns of thought that have plagued me at other stressful times in my life. Underestimating our strength in tough times, is a trap laid by the ego. I was not interested in staying in that mindset for long.

I was ready to see what was possible in this situation. I opened myself up to the inspiration I found on that walk in the woods. I saw that my unique gifts could be used to make a contribution to the healing process and I could step up and make a difference. Although I couldn’t control the operation, I could not be there to hold his hand, I did believe with all my heart that I had the power within me to raise the healing vibration that could be felt when he needed it the most. Another epiphany: I did not have to do this alone! In fact, I planned to engage others to tap into the infinite power of the collective deliberate intent.

With this renewed sense of purpose, I bounded out of the woods, making calls on my Blackberry to people who I could enlist to help me raise the healing vibration. Within hours, I had established a facebook group that would call on people to deliberately sends their thoughts and prayers of healing energy at the same time. http://www.facebook.com/inbox/?ref=mb#/group.php?gid=161326706861&v=info&edit_info=all

It was powerful movement. I believe that this effort created an energetic wave that was not only felt by its intended recipient, but by everyone involved. We were collectively sending love out to the Universe… how could it not be a profound experience? I was embracing my potential from the time I emerged from the woods and as I did, I empowered others to do the same. That is me, living my life on purpose! That was my big Lesson Learned: when you feel powerless, turn to the power within – it is there, just waiting to be released! Here’s what I wrote to the group:

Since June, Kevin has been updating everyone through his blog (http://kpomroy.blogspot.com) and facebook about his condition and journey with Achmed. He is deeply grateful for the support shown by his large circle of family and friends. As D-Day draws nearer, however, it is getting more difficult for him to keep up with the texts, emails, wall posts, messages, etc. This is a place to record messages to Kevin that he can read leading up to his procedure on Wednesday, October 28th and beyond. A place for you to connect with him and others energetically with comments, poems, songs, pictures.

If you are here, it is because you already have a connection with Kevin and have his well-being in your thoughts. We are asking that, on Wednesday morning, you DELIBERATELY take some time to channel your healing energy towards Kevin’s health. Pray, meditate, play music, write, share a memory, smile… whatever you do, do it deliberately and know that your positive energy can and will be felt by him.

Our collective desire is that Kevin FEELS our healing energy all throughout his procedure on Wednesday and beyond as he recovers and resumes life as he loves to live it. The power of our collective thoughts can create miracles and it can raise the vibration between here and there. Let’s do this for Kevin and for ourselves. Let’s come together to make a difference!

Serving the Need through Volunteer Work

“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread." Reading this quote reminded me of the ways I serve this hunger in my life. Today I returned to my volunteer role as In-School Mentor with Big Brothers Big Sisters. It is a volunteer placement that I began in 2002 – one the major steps that I took at that time to create a life that was grounded in my personal values.

Over the years, I have been matched with three different primary/elementary school-aged boys who have an identified unmet need for this love and appreciation. They are need of a role model – one who connects with them personally to show them what is possible. The commitment is small in terms of time – only one lunch hour per week – but the outcomes is priceless.

This is my third year matched with an amazing young man named Cory who is 11. We have developed a great friendship that is based in honesty, respect and learning. We have a lot of fun together playing games, working on projects, doing crafts. We also talk a lot about the things that affect our lives. When we are together, nothing else matters. For me, it has been a great lesson in being present. The fact that I am contributing to this child’s growth is a wonderful gift for me and I feel blessed to have been chosen as his mentor. Truth be told, Cory has taught me a lot, too, and I am very grateful for our relationship.

I am grateful as well, to his mother, who has enrolled Cory into the program for three consecutive years. There are many social programs available to assist children who require a little extra care and attention, and I applaud those parents who take advantage of the opportunities to expose their children to new people and ideas. I have only met Cory’s mother on a couple of occasions, while we both attending school functions with our children. I made a point to tell her how much Cory and I enjoy our time together and that we are both thankful for the opportunity. I think this honest display of love and appreciate to her was well received.

When I arrived at the school today, Cory did not know I was coming but was visibly excited. We are both looking forward to spending another great year together. I have gotten to know most of the children in his grade and they are aware that Cory and I have a special relationship and it is something that makes me proud. Today, more than twenty 11-year-olds greeted me as I entered the school. As I watched them play intramural soccer, many of them came over to chat while on the bench. They recognize the role that I play and are respectful, caring and wonderful. Again, this has been an unexpected bonus for me. Cory and I appreciate the attitude of his classmates and have collaborated on a puppet play and talent show in past years to share our positive energy with his class. In many ways, all of us have that hunger for love and appreciation, and this is one way Cory and I contribute.

My children, 11 and 8, are also happy that I have returned to the program this year. They are aware how important this commitment is for me to be fully self-expressed. I have explained to them that “Mommy has a lot of love to share and there are a lot of people who need some extra.” There has never been any doubt in their minds that this contribution makes me a more complete person. They have never questioned that it would negatively impact the amount of love I have for them. I have benefited in so many ways from this involvement and being able to share the experience with my children is one of the best!

Volunteer work is a terrific avenue to express yourself especially when you don’t find that your work or home life is ‘missing something’. Organizations of all types are crying out for volunteers and it is relatively easy to find one that serves the community or cause that strikes a chord with you. For me, I had always been involved with youth organizations. I had been a volunteer with the Boys and Girls Club when I was in high school and have worked with Junior Achievement off and on since 1995. I was looking for an outlet that would nurture my spirit and allow me to express my gifts, and being matched with a young child in need of one-on-one attention appealed to me greatly. I have found an enormous sense of satisfaction working with Big Brothers Big Sisters. The experience has provided me with many Lessons Learned.

The Wise Seagull

I started to write an entry several weeks back when we were on the cusp of a tropical storm. I found myself at my Quiet Space with pen in hand but the words didn’t make it to the page. I was enthralling by the seagulls. Let’s face it, they’re not much to look at, these “rats with wings”, but on that day a great lesson was taught.

As the ocean rolled in anticipation of the great storm, I felt it inside me, too. The tides that ebb and flow are often reflected in our emotions and, on that day, I remember that I felt like my life was one big hurricane! Of course, that’s how I was feeling in that moment and when my rational self and then my higher self straightened me out (in the form of a seagull), all was well in the world. But we all have those times and I was reminded of that day as I sit at the computer, rain once again beating down sideways. My emotions are as high today but it has been one wild time over the past several months and, at any point, I could go either way! Today’s storm is hitting harder than the prediction for that day and I will likely head to the beach just out of curiosity to see how my feathered friends are managing.

What amazed me that late August day was that, despite the high rolling waves and 80 kms winds, the seagulls just sat there. They were sitting on top of the waves as they rolled! They didn’t try to fly away. They didn’t paddle against the current. I guess they knew it would have been a futile effort. They were saving their strength and just enjoying the ride until the time that the storm passed and their fanciful flight could resume. They were so peaceful. I was really struck by the symbolism from this particular scene.

Those “rats with wings” taught me a lesson in patience and faith that day at Topsail Beach. In life, as in this beautiful province, storm winds will rise to test us. I am reminded today that we must all keep the faith that all is as it should be and that this, too, shall pass. Lesson Learned.

Gratitude for Freedom of Choice

On Thanksgiving Day. May people throughout our great country will express thanks for family, friends, love, health, and the worldly possessions that make our existence most pleasant. These are, indeed, many of things for which I am grateful and for which I say thanks every day. Today, as I washed the dishes and listened to my children roughhousing in the basement, it came to me that I am most grateful for my Freedom of Choice.

I believe that the way in which we operate in this world is reflective of not only who we are but who we choose to be in each moment. I believe we are born into this world for a specific purpose, to learn specific things. How that ‘shows up’ will be different based on the choices that we make at each turn.

Because of my choices, I am here today, and very grateful for that. My past has shaped my present but the power of choice is mine to exercise. The question is: what will I do with this power, this awesome freedom of choice? This power puts me in the driver’s seat of my life.

I remember the first time I went on a vacation by myself. My mantra was that I would do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted with whomever I wanted. I was giddy with the expression of this freedom. It was as if I had never experienced it before. In fact, during the first few years following my divorce, I often found myself ‘silly’ with the prospect of such control over my choices.

What I have come to understand and embrace in years since is that I have always had the freedom of choice… I just made different choices. Accepting responsibility for the part we play in creating our circumstance is an excellent foundation for healing. By acknowledging that we always had the power of choice and yet we chose to live is disharmony, can be humbling to say the least. Why we would choose to create a present that doesn’t serve us is a mystery, but it is from these choices that we can learn the greatest lessons.

Today I am thankful family, friends, love, health, and the worldly possessions that make my existence most pleasant. I am thankful for my experiences. I am thankful for the many Lessons Learned.

Spread a Little Sunshine

Have you ever thought about the ripple effect a smile can have in the world? I have. From a young age, I was very in tune with the feelings of others around me. I had a curiosity about why some people seemed happier than others. It broke my heart to see people in pain. I am still quite sensitive these days and am known to wear my heart on my sleeve. There is nothing that brings me joy more than to see another person embrace their potential. It has always been that way for me.

I always felt deep down that my purpose was to “spread a little sunshine”. I look around me each day and wonder how I can make a difference in the life of the people that cross my path. I see what is possible when we all contribute to the greater good of creating a loving and caring environment wherever we are. I believe that it is a choice we all make every day – whether conscious or not. When we venture out into the world, we decide how we will experience each day. With our thoughts, we attract circumstances that create experience. How we react to those experiences is determined again by our thoughts. What we do and say is all related to what we are feeling at the time, but can also be clouded by judgments and biases that we have held for a long time.

We have all had mornings that didn’t start out so well. When everything seems to go wrong and we can’t shake the foul mood we are in. Throughout the day, we continually hear bad news and encounter rude people. We just want the day to be over! We get red lights and burn our supper. The kids are acting up and the in-laws are driving you crazy. Have you ever stopped to think about how YOU are being on these days, and how you are contributing to the reality you are experiencing? Have you considered the ripple effect that your frown can have in the world? I have. It’s pretty ugly so I won’t get into it. I’m sure you can remember such a day. I can. Ugh.

The fact is we have the power to change our thoughts. This means we have the power to change the experience we are having just by changing the meaning we are giving it. By changing the way we are being, we can create a positive ripple effect in the world. A significant impact can be made with one simple gesture: a smile. The amazing thing is that it doesn’t take any money, time or energy. It is one of the first things we ever learn how to do. Despite the ease in doing so, it is surprising how many people forget the power behind the smile. Imagine how your day can be turned around and you can spread a little sunshine:

Smile at your neighbor as you back out the driveway. Smile at the children as they cross the street in front of your car. Smile at the cashier at Starbucks. Smile at the driver who lets you out of the parking lot and then smile at the next one you let out. Smile at all the people you walk by on the hiking trail. Smile at your kids when you pick them up. Smile at your spouse when you come home from work. Smile to yourself when you go to bed and, then again, smile when you wake up.

Be conscious of this effort and the result it has in your life. Your heightened awareness may help you to realize how much (or how little) sunshine you have been spreading all along. The good news is: there is never, ever too much so keeping spreading it. [Living in Newfoundland & Labrador, I can tell you, we can ALWAYS use a little more sunshine!] And, while we can’t always depend on the weather, we can always depend on ourselves… so step up to the plate, embrace your potential, and spread a little sunshine… you never know how your day will turn out! Smiling is contagious you know. Lesson Learned.

A Change of Scenery Does a World of Good

If I look back over the years, I am sure there is a pattern or two to be found. One of them has to do with how often I rearrange the furniture in my house. This evening, I found myself looking for comfort in change. While that may seem odd to some, I have always found that a change of scenery does my soul good.

As I move sofas and chairs, tables and electronics, I envision not only the finished space but also the mood it will set and the peace and balance it will bring to my life. It is amazing how the state of our homes is reflective of the state of our being. As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I am excited about the possibilities that lie ahead in this Sensational September. Today, what I experienced at work looked a lot more chaotic than sensational. At the end of the day, I went for a walk in the woods to clear my mind and gain some needed perspective and exercise.

Fresh air does the body good – and the mind, and the soul. I gained the clarity I needed to come back home ready to take on all that is on my plate with renewed enthusiasm and confidence. Yes, I PAUSEd: took the pause I desperately needed from the cell phone, computer, and children; accepted what was in my control and the role I was playing to create the current reality; understood the lesson – the pattern of behavior that has plagued me at this time of year; saw what was now possible with a fresh perspective and generated alternative solutions; and then, returned home to embrace my potential.

When I walked through the door to my home, the Universe tested me again… “Are you sure you have what it takes? Your house is a mess! Your office is a mess!” Blah Blah Blah. I WAS sure. After I served dinner, I enlisted the help of my children and we rearranged furniture to create the space that I need to embrace my potential. I feel so much better now!

In the past, my initial step in taking on any new project was to “get organized”. For me that meant cleaning up my work space, creating new files, sharpening pencils, buying a new notebook, etc. The physical cues for change have always provided comfort when journeying into the unknown and they still do. Just like rearranging the furniture. Where my growth has come, is that now, I acknowledge the connection between my state of being and my productivity and ensure that my first step is to PAUSE. I must nurture my soul, be true to myself, be the person I want to be, and THEN move. Lesson Learned.

Sensational September

Ahh... September. My favorite month of the year! To me, the clean slate that comes with the onset of a new school year has always gotten me just a little EXCITED! Even after I finally finished with my formal schooling, the energy of the back-to-school hustle and bustle always gave me the sense that a fresh start was the order of business. Even if it just meant rearranging the furniture or buying new shoes!

Who would like to order up a New Beginning? I thought of this early today as I rose and felt, for the first time in a while, that I will get back on track with the things most important to me. The past two weeks have been FULL of living… I have enjoyed them immensely. My days have been filled with much activity, lots of laughter, and some tears, too. I have been asked why my blog stopped... some were actually worried about me – thank you, by the way. August has been the busiest month of the year for me with my job for the past 12 years. Add to that, the drama of my son’s birthday (see Aug 4th post), a missed business trip (Aug 10th), my former anniversary (Aug 13th) and a whole lot of personal stress related to my boyfriend’s brain tumour (http://kpomroy.blogspot.com) and it doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for writing. Well, that’s not really true. In fact, I have been writing – just not on the computer.

I had gotten into a routine where I would either write each morning or in the afternoon at the beach. It was a process I was enjoying very much and had committed myself to the discipline. It was energizing and I really felt like it was an excellent way to express myself. Over the past few weeks, however, I allowed other demands in my life to take over that space I had created for writing. I still enjoyed quiet time each day, but it was often late in the evening when I was too tired to sit any longer at the computer. I took to carrying my notebook with me so when I did have fleeting moments (or hours, when delayed in the Halifax airport), I could write about my current inspiration. It has really been interesting to observe how the break from the blog has affected my state of being and how I felt about myself.

With the coming of my favorite month, I have gained the clarity I needed to start afresh this month and to continue with the discipline of writing. I have also committed to myself to resume the commitment to my health that had taken a back seat for the last part of August as well. I am focused on new goals in my work and business. And I am savoring the last week before my children return to school. For me, freedom is found in the discipline of my day as I live in possibility at home, at work, at play and at peace. When I am not centered, when I am not balanced, I feel it in every part of my mind, body and soul. The truth is that it affects my self-esteem because I don’t feel particularly smart, pretty or connected when I am not living my best life. It is also extremely important for me to “walk the walk” and present myself authentically every day. This is why I speak the truth and will ‘confess’ when I’ve made choices that don’t serve my higher purpose.

I am glad to have made a return to the blog and thank you all for your support. I will continue to write about those things that inspire me each day… the ordinary life of a single, working mom who lives to embrace her potential. This is who I am… I am grateful for all the blessings in my life and the opportunity to share my Lessons Learned.

www.embracingpotential.com

Celebrating Milestones

Today marks the occasion of two important dates in my life: 15 years ago, I was married; 5 years ago, I filed for divorce. Each of the past five years on this date, I think about how time has changed me and yet, how I am the same. I choose to write today about how we can celebrate these milestones in our lives by seeing the blessings that they brought, and knowing that the future lies before us to create whatever our heart desires.

I choose to let the past be in the past. I am grateful for all the experiences that I have brought me to the present moment. As I sit here at the computer, the words flow easily today because I know I am creating a powerful new chapter in the book of my life. One of my favorite songs is “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. When I first heard the lyrics four years ago, they were resounding: “Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lFXy5bIiSA

One thing that I have gained with the passage of time, is clarity about who I am, the protagonist, and I accept and love her for all that she is and all they she may be. I am also looking at the other characters who will play a role in the beginning of this new chapter. Without knowing how long they will stay, I am grateful for their presence and the richness they add to my story. I am very conscious of who I will allow to take up space in my life. Many of my relationships are changing as they have fulfilled their original purpose. What I LOVE is that the depth of the relationships is enabling them to be recreated so that we can continue into the future to build something that takes us to a higher place.

Knowing that your presence has helped elevate the spirit of another to a more conscious level is something worth celebrating! I give credit to those in my life who have done this for me. I am truly blessed. I live each writing a new page and I am so happy to have you to share it.

I thought when I started to write this, that I would spend more time talking about who I was “back then” and how I have changed, but I realize that in letting go of the past, I can spend my energy on TODAY and creating a wonderful place to be in this moment. Enough said. Lesson Learned.

Making Connections

When asked to describe what I do in 30 seconds or less, I say, “I take people off the treadmill of life, help them accept what is, see what is possible, and create a life of success as defined by them.” As a Professional Motivator, that’s what I do whether it is through individual coaching, workshop facilitation, conference keynotes or in corporate consulting. Making connections with people is what I do every day. It is what fuels me and always has been. That’s why I named my company, Connections for Success Inc.

Every conversation I have is about making a meaningful connection with another person. It may be a simple exchange of “hello” with a neighbor or a three-hour long excavation with someone I love; just like in my professional affairs, the notion of success comes from touching the heart and soul of another person, regardless of method of delivery.

The irony of this week’s events is not lost on me. I may have missed my flight, but the connections that I made already this week (with faith that more are to come) have been so profound, that I may as well be grateful to Air Canada. Of course, I am always grateful to the Universe for putting the most wonderful opportunities in front of me. I have to acknowledge my own part here, too. I am so much more conscious than I have ever been, and now fully participate in making meaningful connections even when I am alone.

It is easy to imagine how to make time with your family and friends (at home and at play) more meaningful. You pay attention – be present – to what is happening, turn the cell phone off, engage in activities you enjoy, have fun. Although it may seem more difficult, it is really quite conceivable that you can also improve your connections at work by taking a vested interest in your organization’s success. When we think about “connection” it is normal to assume we are talking about connections OUTSIDE of ourselves, with other people. How do we make connections WITHIN? That’s what we do when we are at peace.

These four elements of ourselves – at home, at work, at play and at peace – and what we choose to create in those spaces don’t always reflect what we value. To live in possibility, it is important that all areas of our lives are in alignment with our higher purpose. In order to do this, we must first GO INSIDE and make the most important connection of all, to understand what it is we want to create – how we define success. This is an ongoing process; one that rejuvenates the soul. It can unleash latent talents and get you in touch with deep desires that may have been repressed for a long time. Making a connection with yourself is necessary to heal old wounds and dispel limiting beliefs that have stopped you in the past from creating the life of your dreams. Making the INSIDE connection is necessary to develop self-love; the kind of love needed to take risks and invest in your future happiness because you are worth it. Knowing that, and feeling that within, will fuel you to create success beyond your wildest dreams.

As a Professional Motivator, I help others define and execute their vision of success. It is part of MY vision of success. I am embracing my potential in this moment. Thank you for allowing me to share this Lesson Learned.

Check out my new website: http://embracingpotential.com

The Wonder of the Universe

Have you ever scratched your head in wonder how particular situations befall you? On a number of occasions in the past six months, I have been completely baffled in response to my circumstances and have even said out loud, “This makes no sense. How could this have happened?” A bit of drama in the wee hours of a Magnificent Monday got me thinking about the wonder of the Universe.

Yesterday I was unable to board my flight to Halifax because I had not arrived more than 30 minutes ahead of departure. This “made no sense” because I had plenty of time to make it. I felt great waking up at 4:30AM and didn’t feel rushed or concerned about the time. As I drove to the airport I felt completely on purpose and divinely connected to my Higher Power. But when I arrived too late to board my flight, I found myself saying, “How could this have happened?” I was supposed to be in Fredericton for meetings all day and night; Moncton the next two days, then back to Fredericton. I had a full agenda and my initial thought was that my whole week of business was out the door. As I felt the fear rise, I consciously gave myself permission to release the emotion I was feeling at what I saw as a lack of empowerment and compassion of the Air Canada staff. I expressed my dissatisfaction with the available options, regained my composure, and drove myself home, determined that by the time I got there – 15 minutes later – I would have let go of the emotion, the judgment and the blame, and would be ready to PAUSE.

Whenever I am faced with challenges, I think about the process of PAUSE that I teach in my workshops and walk myself through it to ensure it can be effective in general situations. I now have a great example to share, thanks to Air Canada!

P
Pause, breathe, stop the treadmill of life or the whirring of your brain
A
Accept what is, what is in your control, and our role in the current reality
U
Understand the lessons to be learned from this situation/problem
S
See what is possible that wasn’t possible before, seek alternative solutions
E
Embrace your potential

I went through the process. It looked something like this:

P
I took a deep breath and detached myself from the circumstance. I released the judgment and blame and focused my thoughts inward, determined to find a better way, in expression of my Higher Power.

A
I accepted the fact that I had missed my flight and took responsibility for not being on time. I also accepted that this was happening for a reason, although the reasons that I should either not be going to New Brunswick, or the reasons for staying in St. John’s were not yet clear.

U
I vowed to never be late again, not get ‘sidetracked’ with emails that show up in the morning of travel or spend too much time on my hair. My lesson was to accept what is and create something new.

S
I worked all morning to make contact with my clients and staff, rearrange my plans and accomplish my original objectives. I was creative as I generated effective solutions and gave myself the space in this new reality for abundance to flow.

E
Satisfied with the results and pleased to have a restful week at home, I spent time with an old friend who needed me and a new friend who wanted to get to know me better. I shared authentic conversation and felt truly inspired to be right here right now. I was embracing my potential, living in possibility and feeling truly blessed and in awe of the Universe.

With great wonder and reflection, I really feel like it WAS all part of a grander plan, as if I had any doubt! You see, before I left for the airport, I opened a page from Doreen Virtue’s book, Daily Guidance from your Angels entitled, Trust that your Prayers are Being Answered. What an amazing thing to think as you head off to another province and plan to “network like nobody’s business” (my facebook status from the day before). But then I missed my flight???

The Universe does have a way of making us scratch our heads in wonder. The answers aren’t always plain but I do believe they exist. I created a wonderful day on that long, Magnificent Monday and in then, in the wee hours of this Terrific Tuesday, I was given a true gift. The gift of a second chance. My lesson learned here is that when you are fully self-expressed and living your life on purpose, you open yourself up to miracles every day. I am grateful for all of life’s lessons and for having the chance to build something new that serves me very well as I embrace my potential.

PAUSE the Treadmill of Life

Does it ever happen to you that your world seems to be spinning out of control and you can barely breathe? Perhaps it is because you have too much on your plate, or because you are in a job or relationship that hasn’t been working for a while. It may be that your daily routine is hectic and allows no time for rejuvenation or recuperation.

“Busy.” It seems an all familiar response to the question, “How are you?” I find that to get a real sense of how someone is, you must evaluate the body language that comes with that response. We are all busy to some degree, but I think what matters more is how you feel about what you are busy doing. If your days are full but clearly reflect your values, you will feel quite differently than if you are spinning like a top just to survive each day that is filled with people and activities that do not serve you. The reality for most is somewhere in the middle.

I have made a conscious effort to create a world that reflects my purpose and my vision of success. At times, however, my choices result in overwhelm and my mind plays like a fast-forwarding video despite my efforts to remain in balance. Just last week, my head was spinning because of the number of commitments on my plate. By the time Thought-full Thursday rolled around, I knew I had had enough. I needed to PAUSE and regroup. I allowed myself some space from family, friends, work and other obligations to clear my head and slow down. (Sometimes, taking a PAUSE is just that, and it only takes 5 minutes to get clear and gain some perspective, but last week was particularly taxing on a number of levels for me, so I took three hours.)

Stopping the treadmill of life is therapeutic for the body, mind and spirit. In that space, you grant yourself permission to breathe and get present. All of a sudden, things do not appear as urgent. You can see possibilities, alternate solutions to crises. The weight of the world that you are carrying can disappear in minutes if you slow down enough to see what that burden is doing to you and those around you. Taking time to evaluate your circumstance and accept responsibility for your part in its creation is a great Lesson Learned. “Accepting what is” is the next phase in this process of Embracing Your Potential. Stay tuned.

Check out my new website: http://www.embracingpotential.com

Counting Blessings

When you wake up in the morning, what is the first thing that you think about? Do you groan, roll over and hit “snooze”? Do you cover your head up with the blankets and wish it was the weekend? Or do you jump out of bed with a spring in your step, feeling happy to be live and excited about your next opportunity to spread a little sunshine? I would like to think that, most days, I choose the latter but like everyone, I have those moments where staying in bed has seemed like the best option compared to whatever negative circumstance I felt I had to face that day.

The truth is that bad things happen to good people and it isn’t easy to pick sense out of it all. Having faith that all is as it should be can be very difficult during sorrowful times and it is even necessary to have a good cry and get the grief out of your system in order to let the light shine again and embrace the potential of the future. One of the most powerful lessons I have learned in recent years is that of GRATITUDE. When I start my day thinking of all the great things in my life, it invariably sets a positive tone for the rest of the day and lands me in an excellent spot for processing whatever comes my way. One of the bedtime rituals I started with my children when I was first living on my own with them was to ask when I was tucking them in: “What was your favorite part of the day today?” This question often developed into a conversation about events that happened – goo d and bad – at daycare or school, but the key was that it got them thinking about how they spent their day and what good there was to be found. Our conversation would always end with a reminder to be grateful for all the blessings that we have.

Practicing this with my children was a great tool for me, again, especially in the early years after the divorce when I wanted to make them feel safe and secure in a new environment. Regardless of how the evening at home had gone with them – homework, activities, and baths often requiring more patience than I could summon after working and studying all day – this bedtime ritual of gratitude always brought me into the present moment and melted away any shadow of a doubt that I was where I was meant to be and that I have many, many blessings to celebrate.

Just yesterday, a fire claimed most of my colleague’s home and her family’s possessions. The newspaper headline stated: Couple counts their blessings. While I have been thinking grateful thoughts on a regular basis and particularly this week , this story reminded me that in every tragedy we can still find faith and recognize that the gifts in our lives are not material things but the people in them and the contribution we choose to make in this world. One of my greatest blessings is this Lesson Learned.

Finding Solutions in Overwhelm

What a week!! Have you ever questioned WHY you choose to jam so much into a short period of time? As a chronic over-achieving Type A and recovering perfectionist, I am quite familiar with this position. Now, in my new-found awareness, I can be fully conscious of the fact, that I have created this situation that has resulted in less patience and increased back pain and headaches!

Yes, it’s true. From time to time, I allow myself to get caught up in the insanity of trying to fit it all in, being ruled by time and a to-do list the size of your arm! In an effort to create balance, I actually put pressure on myself to achieve more with less. I can even ‘predict’ when it is going to happen, and the first week of August is traditionally it for me. Of course, I realize now that the mere fact that I believed this week was going to be nuts, proves how powerful the mind is at manifesting what you think about! While this has been a very balanced week, my plate truly runneth over with engagements and responsibilities at home, at work, at play and at peace. Here’s how it looks for me:

At home, this is birthday week for Joel. We have had special outings and visits each day. He is my quiet introvert who demands very little in terms of attention or material things. When he shows interest in something, I therefore, do what I can to give him pleasure. This week has been full of those types of gestures on my part. I believe it will make memories to last and explains why it is so important to me.

At work, this is a short week because of the civic holiday, but also a week where I prepare for an exciting road trip to New Brunswick. It has always been the busiest week of the year for administration work – admittedly the part of my job that I like the least. Being tied to the computer, especially when the weather is nice is a chore nobody enjoys but, alas, a necessary component of my work.

At play, I have missed the George Street Festival and the Gander Day celebration, ‘adult’ fun times which always take place at the same time each year and hold a certain appeal for me. However, I have infused every day with joyful times as I embrace my inner child at the beach, park, mall, and theatre. I can’t say that I’ve been all work and no play this week, for sure.

At peace, I have been meditating twice daily for a week. Before I get out of bed in the morning, I listen to a CD that helps me visualize the day ahead. I am going for walks each day for exercise and to clear my head. At bedtime, I listen to another that helps relax my mind and body.
You may be thinking, this seems quite well balanced. What’s her problem? It is true that this is a week of balance. The sad part about my current reality is that my physical energy level is low, and my level of patience has been even lower. In an effort to ensure balance, I have committed to doing too many things without paying attention to what I really need. As I said to a friend and colleague, “At times like these, I really need to take my own advice.”

Moving to solution for me is to block out a certain amount of time for home, work, play and peace and stick to it. Assess what I am trying to accomplish in the allotted time and prioritize those items. Whatever doesn’t get done will get done the next day. At these busy times, I must remain focused within those blocks of time so I can easily move from one task to another without concern or guilt. Each task will get my full attention as I will be present. This is my challenge. There are three more days left to my week at work and with the children and I will make the most of them!! And it won’t kill me J

I will take care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually and socially. I will also enlist help to clean my house and do the paperwork that is piling up. Child labour laws don’t exist in my house and nothing says family-togetherness than sorting training materials for Mommy’s workshops!! I have committed to some rewards at the end of the week, too: a barbecue with friends and perhaps a jaunt to the Brigus Blueberry Festival. The truth is that I’m finding what works, living in possibility so that I can embrace my potential. Lesson Learned.

Have Courage! Go Barefoot!

Two weeks ago I started this blog, sitting in a new Quiet Space, barefoot, under a tree in Victoria Park on a sunny Terrific Tuesday afternoon. How I found myself in this position was quite ‘by chance’ and since, I believe that everything happens for a reason, I took this as a sign that I should dedicate today’s blog to Going Barefoot! It is now a Magnificent Monday and no better day that to talk about COURAGE.

The landscape of St. John’s, being quite hilly, can pose a challenge for people like me who wear high heels and park on 45-degree angles. When faced with the grassy terrain of the park, I decided that my best option was to carry my shoes in one hand and cross the park barefoot while scoping out the best place to enjoy the sunshine, my tuna sandwich and my notebook in hand. This daring act made me think about how often I have gone barefoot in public and why it seemed so significant to me.

Going barefoot is exhilarating, on many levels. I like the feel of the cool grass between my toes. I am aware how it soothes the soles of my feet. It keeps me present. I like to think of going barefoot as a symbol of freedom and courage. Today I felt safe and secure enough in my own skin and in my environment to be myself, expose myself (my feet, that is) and hence, demonstrate courage by putting myself at risk.

Barefoot. Carefree. Joyful. At peace. Think about how often you were barefoot as a child, when you were fearless. Imagine that world again – where you feel safe and secure enough to walk around unprotected, you can be yourself, expose yourself and hence put yourself at great risk. Of course, the risks multiply as you get older and your sense of self in tied to external measures of success.

I have recently gone Barefoot and exposed myself by entering the world of the blog and sharing intimate details of my experiences and philosophies with the public. I have launched a new business which puts me “out there” front and centre from the world to judge. While I have always considered myself an “open book”, this has been a huge step in the courage department for me. I am embracing my potential, moving beyond my comfort zone and making choices that support my vision of success, even though I do so at great personal risk.

Starting your own business is one example of a significant life event that will test your courage. Moving to a new town, getting married, getting divorced, having children, leaving work to take care of your children or parents… none of these decisions are made lightly, we usually weigh the pros and cons but when all is said and done, they can evoke a sense of exhilaration as you embark on a journey into the unknown. Like free-falling, you have to trust in yourself. You must have faith in your own wisdom and your ability to create a new great reality.

As the butterfly trusts that nature will guard and protect her as she moves from one phase of her life to another, I don my symbol of transformation around my neck – a gift bestowed by my mother, a woman who demonstrates quiet courage in her daily life – and step into my courage today to make my life one of possibility, one of courage!! I am going barefoot in an unknown world. I have faith in me. Lesson Learned.

Birthdays and the Passage of Time

Each year, with the passing of my son’s birthday, I find myself on a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride. I reminded Joel today that he should expect the annual sniffle-fest from me on Tuesday when he turns 11. He is enjoying a week-long celebration with a party at my house Saturday, dinner at grand-parents’ Sunday, spending spree with party cash on Monday, REAL birthday on Tuesday that includes a long-awaited trip to see Happy Potter 6, Regatta Day civic holiday on Wednesday, who-knows-what on Thursday (detox from sweets, for sure) and party at his dad’s on Friday! Come to think of it, this is almost EXACTLY the way I have been celebrating my birthdays for the past 5 years!! I love it!


I have always been a big celebrator. I love planning parties and hosting them, especially birthday parties. My family was very supportive of this when I was living at home and, while we weren’t extravagant by any means, there were always gifts to be opened, decorations to be hung, and Mom’s cake to be eaten. Now that I’m caught up in Joel’s annual gala, even amidst all the hooting and hollering, I get all sentimental about his getting older (for some reason, Sydney’s birthday doesn’t affect me the same way). While I have never been one to worry about getting older or fear the number of candles on the cake, the occasion of Joel’s birthday always makes me reflect on the passage of time. I remember with particular detail, the events of the week leading up to his birth: he was 6 days late and it seemed he grew 10 pounds heavier each day in the July heat! I also think back to how my life was at that time and find myself amazed at what can change. He is only 11 but I feel like I was living a different life when he born and each year, I spend some time thinking about the time that has passed and the choices that I have made to shape my current reality. In my reflection, I count my blessings and marvel at how much we have all grown and learned from our experiences.


How do you view time? Do you count down to events? To 5:00? Thank God it’s Friday or dread the upcoming Monday? Do you look at each birthday as a new beginning, a celebration of what you have accomplished over the past year or try to pretend it’s not happening and pray nobody remembers? In the past (ok, just a few month ago), I could never understand people who don’t want to celebrate their birthdays… it seems odd that all of the men in my life have been like that (of course, nothing is ‘odd’, it just is). Everyone has their reasons, just as I have my own wanted to shout it from the rooftops… I’m 39!! Woo-hOO!!!! Wait until next year! This afternoon while I was hanging with the kids at the beach, I thought about how I would celebrate turning 40… the plan may start early and will likely last months instead of just a week.


The fact is, I am in a perpetual state of celebration, and I am not ashamed to say so. I feel that each day is worthy of a party, one of gratitude, to be shared with those you love. And if you happen to be alone, sing and dance with reckless abandon! Let us view the passage of time as a conscious celebration of growth and learning. Every day there are new opportunities to explore and successes waiting to be realized.



Be on purpose in all of your choices and time won’t fly, it won’t stand still, it won’t exist. But you will be existing in possibility as you embrace your potential! That’s what I will tell Joel on the occasion of his 11th birthday and every year thereafter. He and his sister are my daily inspirations and the reason I choose to celebrate life!! They gave me the gift of this Lesson Learned.

Freedom!

Friday past, I ended a night of dancing with my girlfriends to George Michael’s Freedom ’90 and I haven’t gotten it out of my head since. Upon reviewing the lyrics I see that it was more the energy of the song and the meaning I gave the word FREEDOM that got me so worked up. The following day, getting ready for an afternoon ride on motorcycle, I donned my yellow t-shirt with the word Freedom emblazoned across the chest. Appropriate attire… I think, yes. Travelling down windy highways around the coast of this beautiful province, barely hanging on the back, as a passenger that day I let go of all control and sat back to enjoy the ride. It was a marvelous adventure and the sense of peace that came with such abandon was remarkable. And, quite frankly, tossing my long straight hair (still getting used to this after a lifetime of short curly hair) in the wind after taking off the helmet – AWESOME! I am grateful for the experience and trust it will come again soon (hint to cycle owner).

Ah sweet freedom! It’s a word that conjures many meanings and interesting discussion, at least in my life lately. Lately, when I’ve been watching movies, I have paid more attention to the dialogue and actually recorded a few statements that left me riveted. Once such example, from Catwoman (with Halle Berry): “All your life you have been caged. By accepting who you are - all that you are - you can be truly free.” Have you ever felt like you were trapped in a life that you didn’t choose or that a situation has engulfed you to the point where you can barely breathe?
I have felt like that in the past – unable to freely express myself; unable to do the things I want. The truth is, I was the one who chose not to exercise my freedom. I created a reality in which I buried my true self, thinking that it had to be hidden from view. I assumed the dutiful role, as you may have, in order to keep the peace and not rock the boat; all the while, I was stifling my true desires and not being honest with myself or anyone else. Placing blaming on someone else for this circumstance served only to keep me in victim mode and in a powerless position. Finally, I decided that enough was enough.

After I accepted the responsibility for the situation that I created and understood the lesson to be learned, I was determined to see what was possible as I regained my sense of freedom. The last step in this process is to embrace potential and that’s what I did. (This process, which I will write about soon, is the foundation for my workshop Embrace Your Potential found on my website: http://www.embracingpotential.com/.)

The concept of freedom, like most others, means different things to different people. I searched for definitions on-line and found: “the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints; immunity from an obligation or duty.” I accept those definitions but I find myself in discussions lately about freedom in the context of a relationship and have grappled to clearly expressed my thoughts on the matter.

My attempt: I believe that within a healthy, interdependent relationship, romantic or not, both parties can be free to act or speak without restraint. I believe that a relationship demands respect, but that this respect is not an obligation but a choice, and therefore does not exist to restrict freedom. Respect is giving mutually and as a fundamental component of the relationship. When respect is present, as a (love- as opposed to fear-) response, and both parties accept who they are individually and within the relationship - all that they are - they can be truly free. (Just like the lady in Catwoman said.) And as George Michael sang (and my girlfriends and I bellowed), “I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me.” Imagine how powerful two people can be in such a relationship! Lesson Learned there and some!! Thank you.

Surrender Judgment

What would your world look like if you let go of the need to be right? What if, for one day, you surrendered all judgment? What do you suppose would happen to your relationships, your workplace, your home life? How would you feel inside?

Letting go of preconceived ideas is very difficult for some more than others. This continues to be the area of my ego that challenges me most. As a reformed perfectionist, it is ‘easy’ for me to slip back into old patterns of judgment, where I find fault OR excellence in all things. My mind is a judging machine! Even my Myers’ Briggs profile: ENFJ tells me I am, so I must be, right?? J

Yes, I have been right many times and when I am not as sure, I gather evidence (like the MB typing above) to back me up. I have surrounded myself with people that support my views and avoided those who challenge me. My Type A personality (more evidence) has had me so wound up when the world around me appears ‘wrong’ that I can barely cope… I have manifested illness like chronic back pain and headaches as I fight the concept of surrender: wouldn’t that make me wrong?? Wait, isn’t THAT another judgment?

I feel like I have been typing in circles. I apologize for that to the reader who is trying to pick some sense out of this blog today. The fact is that, without surrendering judgment, our minds do create vicious cycles that are difficult to stop. Once we decide that we are right, it automatically makes someone else wrong. How can good come from that? When we are in the cycle of judgment, we can easily miss the beauty of the imperfection of life.

If we remove the ultimate word of judgment, “should”, from our vocabulary, freedom will reign. Think about it! How many times each day do you find yourself saying things like: “I really should do the dishes now; The kids should do their homework now; My spouse should fix this now; My dad should mind his own business. My neighbor should take better care of …?” Surrender yourself to the flow of the Universe, and suspend judgment – even if for one day – and take note of the change in you and your environment.

When we surrender judgment, we have a remarkable opportunity to learn about ourselves. How we judge others is often how we perceive ourselves to be lacking. If we judge another to be stupid, fat, or ugly, it often comes from a deeper self-image issue that we need to address in ourselves. When we judge others to be imperfect, we are projecting the feeling of imperfection that we view in ourselves, even if we do so unconsciously. It is imperative (is that a judgment?) that we look inward to the source of our insecurities that ultimately cause us to form judgments. Accept what is and surrender the need to be right.

Imagine if we recognized the Divine beauty in all people and all things, accepting that how we see them is actually different than how others do. This is part of what makes this a wonderful world! We are blessed with the capacity to change our minds and change our worlds. Embrace the imperfect because it is there where beauty lies. Respond with compassion and love. Do this for yourself first, then other. Move forward with an open heart to what is possible and you will find inner and outer peace. What a beautiful Lesson Learned.
Visit my new website: www.embracingpotential.com

Soulful Sundays

Sundays is considered a day of rest for many people and has traditionally involved some form of religious observation. Although it has been a while since I have attended church on Sunday mornings, I find peaceful satisfaction in nurturing my spirit and spirituality on Soulful Sundays. As Sundays have become a day where I tend to my heart’s desire, it can’t help but be a day of rest for me.

It is a day where I get in touch with my spirit and what may be lacking; I restore my energy and my consciousness in order to live in possibility each and every day. It is a vital part of the process to have one day for such self-care. Sundays have been it fore me for the past 5 years.

I have a number of books and meditation CDs that I use to help in this process. On fair weather days I head to the beach, to my Quiet Space. When I am able to relax my body and mind, my spirit gets revitalized. It often needs this because of Sinful Saturdays!! As I let myself go into indulgence on Saturday, the order of business on Soulful Sunday starts with forgiveness for whatever I have chosen throughout the week that may not have been in alignment with my vision of success. Allowing myself the room to deviate in advance (part of the Sinful Saturday plan) makes this much easier than in the past but is still important and leads to full self-acceptance.

Today, in particular, I had to forgive myself for a number of disempowering thoughts that I experienced yesterday. As much as I try to avoid them, the Universe tests me like everyone else and leaves me in a state of victimhood now and then. In order to regain ground, I first recognize where I have traveled, let the feelings surface, and then focus on how I am being. If I were not BEING a state ripe for victimhood, I would not have attracted those circumstances that me made feel disempowered. I use this analysis as an opportunity to learn. I forgive myself for going to that dark place, regardless of how long it lasted, and being to create anew. It is remarkable, with hindsight, how we give up our power to such trivial things. The fact is that it does happen to each of us, and the quicker we are able to acknowledge and recover, the less often it will happen and the less destructive it will.

How are you nurturing your spirit on this Soulful Sunday? Will you take the time to examine your thoughts and actions and forgive any ‘trespasses’? Be the change you want to see in your world. It is an ‘inside job’ after all.

My day has been spent with my two wonderful children. After sleeping in, we broke up the raining day with a bridal shower (we all won door prizes!), a trip to Chapters, and some quiet relaxation. For me, that meant meditation, reading and writing. For them, it meant reading and playing. This evening will be a little more lively with our weekly Dance Dance Revolution competition on the Wii. Our Soulful Sundays are filled with different activities that nurture various parts of our spirit with relaxed expressions of creativity, alone time and togetherness. It is a great way to wind up the week and prepare ourselves for the return of Magnificent Monday.

I have enjoyed this day in ways that I could not before. Now that I consciously decide how I will spend my time. It is how I live my life on purpose. Involving the children in this pursuit makes them more conscious as well. It is my way of teaching them about choice, forgiveness and empowerment. It is a Lesson Learned that I choose to impart on my children and anyone I touch because I see the power of possibility in each of us.

Check out my new website: http://www.embracingpotential.com

Sinful Saturdays

Having just returned from wedding number 3, I feel like I have already lived Sinful Saturday and need to fully recuperate! Yes, I have often thought of Saturday as my day to be sinful… a day where I indulge in whatever pleases me, with little regard for the consequences. Now, I’m not talking about breaking laws or breaking bones, but I have found that having one day set aside for breaking rules is good for the soul.

On Saturday, many of us sleep in. Often because of a late Fabulously Fun Friday night or just because we can!! We don’t have to jet off to work or take the kids to school or camp. We eat a bigger breakfast than usual – mine was a big one today cooked by the person who accommodated me for wedding 1 and 3 in Placentia. Eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, (white!) toast with butter, and three glasses of apple juice (I was dehydrated). This is a far cry from the usual cereal with fruit I have the other 6 days of the week.

Saturdays are usually carefree for me. I like to take the day on as it comes and not abide by any set schedule. I take advantage of whatever opportunity arises and if it involves a barbecue and wine, it’s even better! Tonight, my indulgence is a bit more tame and that’s not a bad thing, considering we were dancing until 3AM this morning. (Yes, Sinful Saturday started earlier than normal this week!) I am off to spend the evening watching the newly release Ice Age 3 with my two children and one of their friends. A huge bag of popcorn and drink should do it to keep the sinful theme alive today. I have been known, of late, to smuggle a Tupperware container of edamame and a bottle of Dasani into the theatre in order to stave off the cravings and keep on track with my nutrition plan.

Speaking of which, the idea of the Sinful Saturday really came from my new nutrition and wellness coach, Carl George. (www.healthyliving.ca) In developing new habits around a new healthy lifestyle, Carl has “insisted” that I leave one day a week where I forgo the exercise regime and eat whatever I want. Is there any wonder I LOVE this man!
Interestingly enough, I have realized that when you actually give yourself permission to misbehave, it looses its appeal… especially when it comes to food. Your body just doesn’t respond as well to the fries and gravy at 2:00AM :S

Having said that, I do like having the freedom to choose to be sinful every now and then. Again, giving myself permission to do so alleviates the guilt I once felt. As a reformed perfectionist, this is a huge Lesson Learned.
Check out my new website: www.embracingpotential.com

Fabulously Fun Fridays

Thank God It’s Friday… that’s what they all say! For as long as I can remember, Friday has always been my favorite day of the week. What I like about Friday, it it’s potential to include every aspect of my life in one 24-hour period. That’s why I refer to them as Fabulously Fun Fridays. I enjoy them to the fullest, no matter what is on the agenda because of the energy the day brings – or it is the energy I bring to it??

What kind of energy do you bring to the mat on Fabulously Fun Fridays? Are you generally more relaxed? In once-formal office environments, people are dressing down for Casual Fridays and going out for lunch in groups. Music is heard in offices and drivers are more courteous (except when they are all in a mad tear to get out of town at 4:00PM). We are in celebration mode and everyone is happy!

What puts you in this happy frame of mind on Fabulously Fun Fridays? Are you plain glad to have the work done again for another week; to be that much closer to retirement? The more mindful we are of the reasons behind our euphoria on Friday, the better able we are to create a life where this feeling is present EVERY DAY. What a gift that would be!! Imagine, everyone walking about on Monday or Wednesday looking as if it was Fabulously Fun Friday. I’m ready to see that. How about you?

As I write, it is 8:32AM and the Friday Song has just played on OZFM, a local radio station. This song has been played at 8:30AM and 5:00PM for a number of years. It is a song of celebration; a compilation of crazy, upbeat tunes that truly capture the energy of Friday. Listening to this music serves to me in a partying mood and certainly, full of “piss and vinegar”, ready to take on the world!

My kids have come to look forward to this song as well. Even at ages (almost) 11 and 8, they have come to internalize the glorification of Fridays. IT is the last day of their school or summer camp week. They get to stay up later than normal, watch movies or play Wii, and often have friends sleep over. For them, it is also a day to see both parents. For the past five years, they have been moving between two houses and, recently, Fabulously Fun Fridays have been the big day. They are brought to camp by one parent and picked up by another. It is an interesting perspective and one that is shared on some level with their parents. For example, they have had a full week with their father and are likely READY to leave just like I am now READY to welcome them back to my house after having a week without them. Once they have been with me for a week, I am READY to give them back!!! In all seriousness, we are very fortunate that this arrangement has worked well for us. The children are very content in both homes and we, as parents, have gotten used to the dichotomy that this lifestyle affords. Every other Fabulously Fun Friday, I live it up with my two wonderful kids, and alternate Fridays, I find fun on my own (usually with fabulously fun friends!).

Today, I will exercise, write my blog, complete a couple of reports for work, have coffee with friends, close a business deal, and then head out of town for Wedding #3 of the summer (actually, within the last 8 days). It’s sunny AGAIN (!). I have a great dress to wear tonight. There will be fun, food, laughter and love. It will all be Fabulous!!
Lesson Learned :)

Check out my website, launched this week: http://www.embracingpotential.com

Thought-full Thursdays

This morning when I woke up, I mentally reviewed what I wanted to DO today and I switched my thoughts immediately to how I would have to BE to accomplish those things. Today will be another full day with lots of different activities. I wanted to start it off mindfully. “Thought-full Thursdays” came to mind as I considered how much more awareness I have become of my thoughts and the reality they create for me every day.

I started my day with a walk around Neil’s Pond. It is close to a neighborhood where my parents live now and I often stop in for a visit on my way to or from. Not today, however, as I ventured out at the beginning of the day instead of the end which is my normal routine. It was a great decision. My mind was clear and open for suggestion! I came away with some new ideas (one is particularly brilliant and I swear I wouldn’t have thought about it at my desk!!) and an incredible feeling of fulfillment.

Imagine starting every day feeling that way? You can, of course. I like to start the day thinking of how I will be BE. What I will DO comes naturally and what I will HAVE at the end of it all is sometime a surprise, but usually a great one! On Thought-full Thursdays I think a lot, particularly about what has happened over the course of the week. It provides an opportunity to regroup and adjust if I have strayed off course. I evaluate where I am in relation to where I would like to be at home, at work, at play and at peace. Because the week isn’t over, there’s still time to make it right!! Funny, THAT sounds like an old way of thinking J

There isn’t a deadline for living your life on purpose. It is important, however, to check in once and a while, consciously, if you are operating in alignment with your core values. Whether you choose to do this ritually on Thought-full Thursday or once a month or every day in meditation, it will serve you well. I have come to enjoy this process very much. Another great Lesson Learned.

Wonderful Wednesdays

Ah… Wednesday. “Hump Day” as it is commonly known. A day that many feel they have to ‘get over’ or survive in order to get that much closer to the weekend. Now wait just a minute! I’m looking outside on another glorious day (isn’t interesting that the weather has been great each day since I started writing??) and I’m thinking that I don’t want to just ‘survive’ this day, I want to LIVE it!!

My day has already started off in a great way. I woke up with a smile on my face. Read some lovely emails and comments on Facebook about the blog and my new profile picture. I know what I’m going to do today and it involves a balance of home, work, play and peace. I have some light housework to do (my mother does the heavy stuff!), a couple of work appointments and a BIG business proposal to submit (exciting!!), a date with a friend for the St. John’s International Jazz Festival, a motorcycle ride, and a hike by the ocean and my Quiet Space. Sounds like a Wonderful Wednesday to me J

While I just told you all about what I am going to DO today, the ideas about what to do have been generated without difficulty from the notion of who I want to BE on this Wonderful Wednesday. Today, I want to be relaxed, accomplished, efficient, fun, healthy, loving, and caring. This is not always who I want to be because it depends on my focus for the day. I can tell you, however, that as I strive to live my life on purpose, I try to ensure that who I am being each day falls within my grand vision of success. When I “mess up” or catch myself out of alignment with my vision, I have to gently remind myself that I need to change my thoughts or actions (what I am doing) in order to have what I want. It takes more coaxing some days than others to Let Go and Let God, to surrender whatever I am feeling, and to come back to the truth that is ME. But when I do, I know it is the right thing for me.

When you think about having those things you desire, try working backwards and using the BE, DO, HAVE technique. How I am being, will lead me to do, and then I will have. It all comes back to how you are being in that moment. Remember that what you think about, you bring about. That is the Law of Attraction. It all starts inside your head. And the ripple effect is has is amazing!! Imagine how differently the people around you would be if you changed the way you were being. Try it. I have. It can produce miracles J

Who are you going to BE today to make this a Wonderful Wednesday for you and someone else? It’s something to think about. For me, a Lesson Learned.

Terrific Tuesdays

Yesterday I returned to writing for my blog and I realized how much I like this expression of creativity. It is a great way to flesh out ideas and get in touch with your higher self.

How we view the passage of time is not only a reflection of societal times as I mentioned yesterday but how we view ourselves. After significant thought yesterday, I came up with an adjective for each day of the week that I felt accurately reflected my personality and my outlook on the world. Today is Terrific Tuesday!

Generally speaking, Tuesday gets the short end of the notoriety stick as the day of the week that has the least pizzazz. It’s not dreaded like Monday, overcome like “Hump Day” (a.k.a. Wednesday), anticipated like Friday and then, there’s the weekend. Don’t think that I forgot Thursday… Thursday has always had a greater line-up on TV than Tuesday, hands down! The generous and compassion being that I am decided to give Tuesday its due with a great new “title” and some fodder for your consideration.

Tuesday also happens to be the day of the week on which my son, Joel, was born.

I think of Terrific Tuesdays as a day of action. After all the planning, strategizing and prioritizing of Monday, there is ample focus to make this happen in the direction of my goals. Thos goals may be as simple [I use this term loosely for personal reasons] a family dinner (remembering to defrost the meat in advance) or landed a new client. Regardless of the prize, it will require action to manifest. The quality or value of the prize is often linked to the quality of the action taken.

Those of you that have read The Secret and other material about the Law of Attraction know well the three steps to manifesting your desires: Ask, Believe, Receive. One of the most popular criticism of The Secret is that there is no Action in these steps. Honestly, that was not my perception of the book. My personal belief is that you attract what you think most about. If you desire something, it is worthwhile to get as clear as possible about what that things “looks like”. [Ask] When you visualize it, provides much detail, particularly about how you would feel when you have it. [Believe] Opportunities will present themselves to manifest your desires. You must to be open to see the possibilities. [Receive] This heightened awareness of the Law of Attraction is inspiring. It is humbling as well when you realize that you have the power within you to manifest whatever you want.

On this Terrific Tuesday, I have a number of things on my manifestation list. Some are practical; some fanciful. All of them have one thing in common: ME. They are my desires. It is my life and I choose to attract that which serves me. On this Terrific Tuesday, I exercise the power to attract into my life things that make me smile. What’s on your list? How will you make today a Terrific Tuesday?

A conscious decision to create my reality each day is a powerful tool; another Lesson Learned for which I am truly grateful.

Magnificent Mondays

I am back in my Quiet Space on Topsail Beach, enjoying a Magnificent Monday in the sun. This is where I come to clear my head and let the ideas flow. It is amazing what can result when you surrender and open yourself up to what is possible. At times, the ‘material’ comes so quickly I have to give up the pen and use the Blackberry to capture it all. In these moments of panic, I realize that fear is taking over – fear that the nugget of wisdom will be lost forever if I don’t leave myself a voice mail!! Awareness is a funny thing – certainly because it gives you many opportunities to laugh at yourself. You see, I have been coming the beach long enough to know that the right ideas will come at the right time. I trust this process and it has not led me astray.

I made a conscious decision to come to the beach to write today. I have been somewhat distracted from my writing and have always found inspiration here among the water and rocks. The weather is unpredictable here in Newfoundland & Labrador and with the flexibility I have in my daily schedule, I take advantage whenever I can to soak in the sunshine and feel the warm breeze. Housework can wait until it’s dark and raining. Typing can wait until later when it has clouded over (at the time of typing, it has clouded over and the temperature has dropped by 5 degrees Celsius).

I have reflected much on the freedom I am afforded by working from home. I have been in this ‘situation’ for 12 years now but it has only been in the past 5 years that I see the great opportunity to experience life that comes with it. I have responsibilities and deliverables like everyone else, clients to meet, etc., but I control my schedule and can work essentially whatever hours are required. This means that I take care of my needs and those of my friends and family as they arise and work at whatever time best suits me. More and more I express gratitude for this gift of freedom and flexibility. I intend to use it to Live in Possibility every day!!

Yes, even on Mondays. How do you view Mondays? Do you dread the return to the rat race? Do you start the day off sluggish and unmotivated? Is the day you are most likely to slip coffee on your work shirt, stub your toe, or lock your keys in the car? This “I Hate Mondays” mantra has become quite an epidemic. I has infiltrated society to the point where it is a “natural” assumption that everyone hates Mondays.

Not me. I have never joined the “I Hate Mondays” Club nor did my parents. I don’t remember a time where either of my parents moaned about going back to work or spent Sunday complaining about what was waiting for them the next day. This is a fact that I didn’t ever think about until today at the beach. The meaning that we lend to the days of the week is quite remarkable. Understanding the power of the mind, the power of thought to affect your reality makes this notion that much more ridiculous, really. As I said, with awareness comes an improved sense of humility for all the inane notions that hold us captive. Are you a member of the I Hate Mondays Club? You know, the membership is revocable AND there is no penalty!

Magnificent Monday – the start of a new workweek; a day that sets the tone for the rest of the week. It is a powerful day because of the significance people place on this period of time. I think of Monday as a day of planning and strategizing. Setting priorities for the week ahead. It is a great day to initiate conversations – allowing time for thoughtful response by Friday. J Magnificent Monday is the best day to visualize your success, clarify what you want to achieve and how you have to BE in order to attract what you desire. Monday has “Embrace Your Potential” (www.embracingpotential.com) written all over it!!! No wonder I LOVE MONDAYS!!

I am sitting on a beach on a Monday afternoon. What could be more Magnificent? [Hint: This is where you insert what would make your Monday magnificent J]
Today, I wanted to plan my week (leaving lots of space for spontaneity, my new hobby!), enjoy the outdoors, make connections with family, friends and clients, and write a new blog post. I have accomplished all those things and it’s only 5:00PM so I’m ready to do it all over again! It is great to be living life on purpose, especially on Magnificent Mondays. I am truly grateful for another Lesson Learned.

The Value of Quiet Time

I am writing the draft of my fourth blog entry as I sit at what has become, over the past year, my sacred Quiet Space. While it is anything but quiet on this sunny, summer Saturday at Topsail Beach, I can always find stillness as I go within for inspiration.

You see, none of these blog topics have come any other way. They all result from quiet contemplation. I guess it would be easy enough to make a list of all the Lessons Learned from my father, but there have been so many! How do I choose? As with most BIG questions I face these days, my answers come when I take the time to GO WITHIN. What this looks like on the surface is simple Quiet Time.

It may show up like it did this morning: "Mommy needs 30 minutes to herself." I close the bedroom door and crank up a meditation CD. Or maybe it's a quick trip to the beach, chai latte in hand, to sit in my Quiet Space for 15 minutes before picking up the kids after school. Sometimes, it's a full-blown Day of Quiet in the park, where I sit under a tree, pen in hand, book on lap, and do my thing with no schedule and no outcome in mind.

Yes, I said it: No schedule and no outcome in mind. Wow! I just became aware of the tremendous progress I have made in the "peace" arena of my life. My motivational work is grounded on the principle of embracing your potential at home, at work, at play and at peace. For those who have known me over the years, this concept of Quiet Time (i.e., "at peace") has taken me the longest to grasp.

I have always been a "doer". Always busy. Lots to do. A to-do list in every room. Many self-imposed deadlines to accompany my many goals. The idea of stopping to 'smell the roses' never occurred to me much until I realized that a good chunk of my adulthood had passed and I hadn't scored many happiness points.

It was actually 5 summers ago, when I left my marriage that I was introduced to meditation. I was dating a Buddhist (not a monk, obviously ;) who gave me Robin Sharma's, "The Monk who Sold his Ferrari." It was a great read and opened my world up to a power I hadn't known. Every meditation I have practiced since has been even more powerful because of the ease at which I can now connect with my higher self.

The ability to stop the noise in my head ultimately resulted in the PAUSE concept that I teach others as a means by which to connect to the power within. This conscious connection is different for everyone but no one can discount the amazing things that can manifest once the mind in still.

Honesty Note... Today, I cheated a little. I took three kids to the beach and I had a plan: I was going to soak up some rays while I read the next chapter in Wayne Dyer's, "Change your Thoughts, Change your Life" and find inspiration for my next blog post (someone gave me a gentle nudge of encouragement this week after noticing that my entries had come to a stop - more on this at another time). I am pleased to say that I left the beach having surpassed my goal because the whole blog was written and the kids were beat out and actually willing to go home when I was ready :) I think this still qualifies!!

I don't remember my dad ever meditating and certainly not writing a blog on the beach, but I do remember the value he put into his Quiet Time. It is possible he is a closet Buddhist or a closet something because I have never known him practice any sort of religion. Rather than by meditating or chanting, my father committed to his Quiet Time in his regular routine. Whether he was out for a walk, reading, writing in his study or "resting his eyes" (i.e., napping, after teaching all day), we understood that this was an essential ingredient to the successful operation of one Melvin Payne.

Buddhist or no, my father taught me the value of Quiet Time. It is a Lesson Learned that I am embracing in my everyday life. What a difference it has made... And I have the blog material to prove it!! :)

A Balancing Act

The year I turned 31, I was on maternity leave with my daughter, Sydney. It was a year of much self-discovery for which I am truly grateful. Revelations from that period of time led me down a path that has brought me much fulfillment. One of the greatest was when I rediscovered the concept of BALANCE.

As a child, I witnessed one of the greatest examples of BALANCE around: my dad. He was a man of integrity as I mentioned before, and he was committed to living a balanced life. He was very active and it was rare to find him focusing on one aspect of his life more than others. I have adopted the concept of balance being "at home, at work, at play and at peace" in my motivational work and I find it fitting here to provide a tribute to my father's way of being as I grew up.

At home: We ate promptly at 7:30, 12:00 and 5:00 on weekdays and not much different on weekends. Dad liked his routine, and still does. Having a stay-at-home mother enabled this routine. We always had our meals together. Holidays were equally predictable: Easter was spent on the west coast of Newfoundland, visiting his family and Mom's; we left the province every summer, the day after school closed and traveled until mid-August, camping or vising friends and family across Canada and the US; birthdays and anniversaries were always remembered and celebrated; Christmas was full of visits to friends' houses around town (we knew the schedule before the last day of the school - which, incidentally, was the biggest party of the year). He appreciated his time away from work, and he spent it with those whose company he enjoyed most.

At work: For 29 years, my father was a dedicated teacher, retiring from Gander Collegiate at the age of 52. Former students speak highly of his animated teaching style, his humour and his commitment to the kids. He was one of those teachers who stayed after school to supervise and participate in floor hockey and badminton. He coached public speaking and drama. He could always be counted on to chaperon school dances and class trips. I know because he brought me along! :) We hosted more billets than any other family, I am sure. (Again, another smile for me!) Dad's work was rarely brought home except for the odd time when he had to mark papers, and perhaps in the early days when he was getting his feet wet (see photo above).

At play: Did I mention the teachers' Christmas party yet? Oh yes, my dad enjoyed a scattered party. And they were scattered around the year - nice and balanced! There were the two staff parties, the curling bonspiel, and the notable floor hockey team parties in the shed. Dad was always up for a good time but also enjoyed sports and was active at school and in the evenings on various teams over the years: darts, broomball, and softball. Other than my mother, to whom he will be married 40 years this coming November, his longest relationship would have to be with the sport of floor hockey. He started playing when he moved to Gander in 1969 and didn't stop until four years ago. It was part of his life. It was time that he shared with friends which he also remembers fondly.

At peace: You'd think that a guy that was so active wouldn't have time for peace, but if there is anything else my dad loved more than his home life, his work, and his floor hockey (which dominated the 'play') it is walking and reading. This is where my dad finds his peace: escape, freedom, quiet. For as long as I can remember, Dad walked each evening, in addition to going to and from work each day. Now that he is retired, he can be seen around the neighborhood as many as 5 times a day! Every now and then, he'll invite Mom along, but usually this is his 'alone time'. That, and when he reads. The ladies (yes, they have always been women) who work at the local libraries know him well... all about him and the family. He is one of their most valued 'customers'. He tells them what books to order. One of my fondest memories is going to the library in Gander with Dad every Sunday afternoon. I'd be left on my own in the kids' section... I still thought of it as our 'special time'.

So that's the story of my dad, the model of balance. They are quite rare. I've looked for them! Once people enter into relationships, they often lose their sense of individuality. Many people with children appear to have lost all connection with interests they had prior to becoming parents. Do you know any workaholics??? Are you one?? :)

The year I was on that maternity leave, I came to the stark realization that I didn't know who I was anymore. I had become one of those people!! I was all three!!! In fact, I had been that way since I was about 18. While I was in high school, you would find my name listed in Webster's Dictionary (now, in Wikipedia) under "balance". I played volleyball, badminton and bowling, babysat, volunteered, emceed the graduation, edited the yearbook, competed in public speaking, acted in school productions, attended every Friday night dance, went to movies with friends, AND talked on the phone while I wasn't doing all that or studying which I did a lot of because I was headed for university and that meant landing as many scholarships as possible.

Being goal-oriented like my dad (see previous post), I was very focused and determined. Once I went to university and landed myself a boyfriend, I made the decision that the only things that remained important were getting a good job and getting married. By the time I was 24, I had both but the seed was planted with all the choices I made when I was 18 and I sacrificed everything else. As life continued, I assumed the role of workaholic employee, Martha Stewart-like wife, and devoted mother. I had followed the plan, got everything I "wanted" yet at the age of 31 was not happy and found myself lacking the balance that once defined me to the core.

I began, that year, to energize my life with the things that had once gave me so much pleasure. Now, at 39, my time is shared with my two wonderful children aged 8 and almost 11, my boyfriend, a close circle of friends, my parents, my job, my business, volunteer work, fitness, required household maintenance (most of which is delegated to the kids or my parents :) and alone time! I came up with this all on my own and I embarked on my journey to create the life I wanted. It has been a journey that started consciously in 2001.

I recently hired a personal/business coach, Amanda Maynard (http://www.amanadamaynard.com/) to help me put some structure in my life around all this balance. I had such a 'full' life that I was in danger of just being plain BUSY. It was great to see it all in black and white (and green and pink) to clearly define how much time I was spending on each part of my life. I have made adjustments and continue to do so. It is an activity I would recommend, and have. In order to find balance that works, we must first define what we want our lives to look like: we must make choices and then create!

It is a Balancing Act, true, but worth every ounce of effort for the satisfaction gained. And, it is no act when you are committed to a vision of your higher purpose and your choices are mindful and authentic. I needed only to look to my father for that Lesson Learned.