Freedom!

Friday past, I ended a night of dancing with my girlfriends to George Michael’s Freedom ’90 and I haven’t gotten it out of my head since. Upon reviewing the lyrics I see that it was more the energy of the song and the meaning I gave the word FREEDOM that got me so worked up. The following day, getting ready for an afternoon ride on motorcycle, I donned my yellow t-shirt with the word Freedom emblazoned across the chest. Appropriate attire… I think, yes. Travelling down windy highways around the coast of this beautiful province, barely hanging on the back, as a passenger that day I let go of all control and sat back to enjoy the ride. It was a marvelous adventure and the sense of peace that came with such abandon was remarkable. And, quite frankly, tossing my long straight hair (still getting used to this after a lifetime of short curly hair) in the wind after taking off the helmet – AWESOME! I am grateful for the experience and trust it will come again soon (hint to cycle owner).

Ah sweet freedom! It’s a word that conjures many meanings and interesting discussion, at least in my life lately. Lately, when I’ve been watching movies, I have paid more attention to the dialogue and actually recorded a few statements that left me riveted. Once such example, from Catwoman (with Halle Berry): “All your life you have been caged. By accepting who you are - all that you are - you can be truly free.” Have you ever felt like you were trapped in a life that you didn’t choose or that a situation has engulfed you to the point where you can barely breathe?
I have felt like that in the past – unable to freely express myself; unable to do the things I want. The truth is, I was the one who chose not to exercise my freedom. I created a reality in which I buried my true self, thinking that it had to be hidden from view. I assumed the dutiful role, as you may have, in order to keep the peace and not rock the boat; all the while, I was stifling my true desires and not being honest with myself or anyone else. Placing blaming on someone else for this circumstance served only to keep me in victim mode and in a powerless position. Finally, I decided that enough was enough.

After I accepted the responsibility for the situation that I created and understood the lesson to be learned, I was determined to see what was possible as I regained my sense of freedom. The last step in this process is to embrace potential and that’s what I did. (This process, which I will write about soon, is the foundation for my workshop Embrace Your Potential found on my website: http://www.embracingpotential.com/.)

The concept of freedom, like most others, means different things to different people. I searched for definitions on-line and found: “the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints; immunity from an obligation or duty.” I accept those definitions but I find myself in discussions lately about freedom in the context of a relationship and have grappled to clearly expressed my thoughts on the matter.

My attempt: I believe that within a healthy, interdependent relationship, romantic or not, both parties can be free to act or speak without restraint. I believe that a relationship demands respect, but that this respect is not an obligation but a choice, and therefore does not exist to restrict freedom. Respect is giving mutually and as a fundamental component of the relationship. When respect is present, as a (love- as opposed to fear-) response, and both parties accept who they are individually and within the relationship - all that they are - they can be truly free. (Just like the lady in Catwoman said.) And as George Michael sang (and my girlfriends and I bellowed), “I don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to me.” Imagine how powerful two people can be in such a relationship! Lesson Learned there and some!! Thank you.